Try a Perception Gap Analysis to Improve Your EQ

There is usually a gap between how we see ourselves and how others see us. In the workplace, this gap can be a source of development opportunities which can improve your emotional intelligence (EQ), if you are willing to be open to feedback, be vulnerable, and be truthful with yourself.

Articulating Your Understanding of Yourself

A good place to start is with looking inward and writing down your values, goals, strengths, and weaknesses.

Ask yourself introspective questions about your goals and values. Here are a few examples with probing questions. Probing questions can help you gain clarification and information to see the whole picture:

  • Do you want to be a leader? Why? What traits and characteristics do you feel a leader should possess? Who are leaders you look up to and why?
  • Do you want to be a more connected team member? What makes someone a better team member? How do you know when you are connecting with someone?
  • Do you want to be a better listener? What does that look like? How can you tell when someone is really listening?

To gain a deeper understanding of what matters to you, write down your answers. Make a list of your values. Then revisit them asking why at each step. Write down those answers as well. This will help you map out your journey, and identify areas for development.

You can also take a variety of personality tests which can help you find the right words to articulate what you already know about yourself but don’t quite know how to put words to. This article from Onward provides a few options, most of which are free.

Getting Others’ Perceptions of You

Opening yourself up to feedback requires vulnerability. You’re going to hear things you don’t necessarily like or that you weren’t expecting. But, if you’re open and willing to hear the feedback, you will be able to learn, grow, and develop your EQ.

Working with a coach is one way to help you take a look at how your self-perceptions may be at odds with others’ perceptions of you, and help you find a path towards developing your EQ. You can also work with a trusted colleague or manager – someone whose opinions you trust – to continue to evaluate how you are doing on a regular basis.

Another great tool is a 360 feedback assessment, a process through which you gather feedback from direct reports, peers and colleagues, and supervisors, as well as a self-evaluation. This can be a formal or informal process through which you gather information related to the areas you are seeking to improve.

Assessing the Perception Gap

Using the information you gather on yourself, and from those around you, you can begin to identify areas where you want to improve, prioritize the areas you want to focus on, and how you will go about improving them.

A great example of how this could look is provided in Daniel Goleman and Michele Navarez’s article Boost Your Emotional Intelligence with These 3 Questions:

For example, let’s say you get feedback that you are not a great listener — but you think you are. Instead of taking this assessment as an attack, or simply dismissing it, step back and consider your goals: Perhaps you’ve said that you want to better connect, understand, and communicate with impact. How could listening well help you to do those things? Seeing the feedback in this light can help you position it as an opportunity for developing toward your goals, rather than a threat.

Ask yourself, what you are going to do to achieve this goal? If we use developing your listening skills as an example, what does that look like? It could include a variety of learning modalities including:

  • Coaching
  • Online courses
  • Awareness and practice
  • Reading articles, books, etc.

Then ask, how do you know you are achieving your goal? You can reiterate some of the steps above – feedback, personal assessment, another 360 feedback assessment.

You will find that on this journey, your EQ skills will continue to grow and develop. You will gain a deeper understanding of yourself, build your awareness of others, and be able to more readily manage yourself and your relationships.

 

Photo by Garidy Sanders on Unsplash
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A “Font” of Knowledge? Can Using the Sans Forgetica Font Help You Learn?

According to RMIT University‘s site, Sans Forgetica is a font that “is scientifically designed to help you remember your study notes.”

Here’s the scoop. A team of behavioral scientists and designers at RMIT University, a public university in Melbourne, Australia, developed a new font based on the concept of “desirable difficulty“. This concept was first coined by Robert A. Bjork in 1994, basically describes tasks that require a considerable but desirable amount of effort to perform, thereby improving long-term performance. So, the theory is, according to RMIT,

Sans Forgetica is more difficult to read than most typefaces – and that’s by design. The ‘desirable difficulty’ you experience when reading information formatted in Sans Forgetica prompts your brain to engage in deeper processing.

So why use this font? Think about it this way. If you want to remember something – an important section of an article, study notes, etc. – use the Sans Forgetica font. The font prompts your brain to “engage in deeper processing”, creating a level of desirable difficulty, thus helping you remember more.

Dr. Janneke Blijlevens and Dr. Jo Peryman from RMIT’s Behavioural Business Lab informed the design of Sans Forgetica, in collaboration with the School of Design, using principles of cognitive psychology to enhance memory retention. See more in their video below.

This isn’t a font you want to use for novels, but for short sections of an article, or the study notes you want to retain. You can check out The Guardian’s article on Sans Forgetica written in Sans Forgetica to see a good example.

Give it a try! You can download the font for free, and install the Google Chrome Extension.

Learning is a NEED to Have

Learning never stops. Or it shouldn’t. It also shouldn’t be a “nice to have” perk. It should be a core component of a company’s culture and strategy. Unfortunately, I see all too often that learning and development are seen as a chore, an add-on, or a forced obligation.  As Kristi Hedges so aptly noted in her HBR article, “Make Sure Everyone on Your Team Sees Learning as Part of Their Job“, employees show up for training because,

they are checking a box on their development plan, their manager told them to come, or they’ve been told that their participation will increase the chance of a promotion.

When training becomes a dreaded obligation, learning doesn’t happen. This can negatively affect employee engagement, customer satisfaction, and the bottom line. However, when learning and development are an expectation, they become ingrained not just in the employee’s day-to-day, but in the culture of the company. Learning shouldn’t happen on top of an employee’s workload, it should happen in tandem, and as part of the daily process, as well as in specific programs.

Numerous studies have proven the link between employee development and the bottom line. “According to the Association for Talent Development (ATD), companies that offer comprehensive training programs have 218% higher income per employee than companies without formalized training. But it doesn’t stop there. These companies also enjoy a 24% higher profit margin than those who spend less on training.” See Shift’s article for more info.

Going beyond the bottom line, employee training and development can improve employee engagement, employee retention, productivity, and more. For a quick overview of some compelling statistics, check out Optimum Direct’s infographic, How Critical is Training to Business?

Simply put, training and development are not a “nice to have”, they are a NEED to have.

 

 

 

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Don’t Let Negative Feedback Make You Negative

Early in my career I was the Marketing Director for a commercial real estate firm in Manhattan. I had a great relationship with the team of brokers I worked with. I was having a great year developing new marketing ideas for their properties. Everything was going well. So, when it came time for my annual review, I was pretty confident. Then, I was hit with a ton of bricks.

During the review I touted all of the great things I had done, all of the projects I had worked on, and the successful outcomes. I asked for a raise. And then came that ton of bricks…the comment made to me was, “everyone is replaceable.” A punch to my over-confident gut. After all the great work I had done, this was what I was told.

I spent the next hour on the phone with my mom crying and ranting and spewing expletives. How could my boss say that to me? What a jerk! I’m the best employee he ever had! I’ll show him! I really wanted to to just quit and walk away. How dare he dismiss all of my hard work and dedication to doing my job! How dare he!

Well, after venting and crying and spewing a few expletives, I began to get over myself and realized, well…he is right. Everyone is replaceable. And it was my choice to decide how I was going to take this feedback and use it. As Tasha Eurich wrote in her article for Harvard Business Review, The Right Way to Respond to Negative Feedback,

“processing and acting on negative feedback is not always easy. It can make us defensive, angry, and self-conscious, which subsequently impairs our effectiveness. What’s more, we can’t take all feedback we receive at face value.”

When I finally calmed down and stopped to really think about the feedback I received, I realized I was overreacting, and not really listening. The review had gone pretty well. They were pleased with my work. They were happy with me. But, in my making an assumption about getting a raise, I got feedback I wasn’t expecting.

There are tools to help deal with feedback you aren’t expecting, whether it be constructive, negative, or good. Most of our initial emotional reactions have to do with our own self-image, and hearing something contrary to it. Here are some of the tools Ms. Eurich provided:

Pause. Don’t let a knee-jerk reaction get in your way of growth. Give yourself time to pause, reflect, and absorb the feedback you have received. Process your emotions, and identify them. Why do you feel this way? Put it into words.

Get additional input. Seek out friends and coworkers you trust to tell you the truth; to tell it like it is. Get that reality check. You need to be able to understand the feedback. Eurich labeled these trusted friends and colleagues as “loving critics”:

These “loving critics,” as we named them, were people they trusted and who would be brutally honest with them.

Show, don’t tell. If the feedback you receive indicates your team or coworkers don’t think you care about them because of a something that happened, or even inaction on your part, you need to act – and in a sincere manner. You can’t just tell them, “I do care”. You need to show them by doing something. This is part public relations (your image). Your action needs to align with the feedback, your desire to change, and your need to show your team or coworkers that you are actively engaged in changing yourself.

Make the First Move. You can’t improve in isolation. You need to seek out the feedback of others, get additional input, and understand the feedback so you can take action. Though easier said than done, it is best for you to make the first move, approach those who gave you the feedback, acknowledge your part, and seek to work out a way together to improve things going forward.

Fail forward. It’s not always easy to admit to ourselves, or others, that we have flaws. But, when we do, it helps create a connection with our coworkers. As Eurich so aptly stated,

Sometimes the best response to critical feedback is to admit our flaws — first to ourselves, and then to others — while setting expectations for how we are likely to behave. When we let go of the things we cannot change, it frees up the energy to focus on changing the things we can.

The adoption of these tools takes time and practice. You can start small by seeking out feedback from your “loving critics” and reflecting on the feedback, acknowledging your emotions, and putting together a plan to change.

 

Photo by Matthew Brodeur on Unsplash

Calm Your Inner Beast

Have you had that moment? You know the one…you’re trying to keep calm, but someone just keeps pushing your buttons over, and over, and over, until finally, you lose it. You blow a gasket. Your skin begins to flush, you start shaking, and you unleash a verbal storm upon that person and you can’t even think straight?

It’s embarrassing afterward. This is so not like you! Trust me, I have been there. And it isn’t pretty. Most likely, the person who was “pushing your buttons”, wasn’t the cause of your scream-fest which could rival a tired toddler on a good day. So what’s going on? How do these blow-ups happen, and what can we do to calm that inner beast?

David Maxfield, a leading social scientist for business performance, and co-author of New York Times bestsellers Influencers, Crucial Accountability, and Change Anything, recently answered the question of taming a temper with some valuable tips and tricks.

Here is some of what he shared. I highly recommend reading his full post, “How to Tame Your Temper“:

  • Forwarned is forearmed:  “Knowing up front that someone is going to try to make you angry inoculates you from getting angry.”
    • Think about who makes you angry and why?
    • Prepare yourself for this-this is your forwarning.
  • Go to the Balcony:  “Distance yourself from the events that are making you angry.”
    • This is not a physical act, it is a mental one: psychological distance

William Ury, cofounder of the Harvard Negotiation Project, calls this strategy “going to the balcony.” Step back from the heat of the moment, distance yourself, rise above it, and watch it objectively as if from a balcony.

  • Recognize Your Triggers: “The more we can anticipate our triggers, the more we can prepare positive reactions and avoid blowing up.”
    • Begin to recognize your emotions, and identify what is causing them.
    • Acknowledge these emotions.
    • Think about how you can change your reactions from negative to positive.
    • Practice. Practice. Practice.
  • Challenge Your Story: “The key insight here is that it’s our story, not the raw facts, that causes us to feel threatened and that generates our strong emotions. And our story is often faulty.”
    • Read Mr. Maxwell’s quick overview of how emotions work.
    • Ask yourself the two crucial questions he poses:
      • Do I have enough facts to be certain my story is true?
      • Is there any other, more positive story, that fits this set of facts?
    • Re-evaluate your story.

Taming your inner beast takes work, practice, introspection, and some stumbles along the way, but doing so can help you avoid those embarrassing meltdowns.

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Victor Rodriguez

On Social Learning and Behavioral Cues

Social Learning Theory combines cognitive and behavioral learning theories to posit that we learn both from psychological factors and environmental stimuli.

“Psychologist Albert Bandura integrated these two theories and came up with four requirements for learning: observation (environmental), retention (cognitive), reproduction (cognitive), and motivation (both). This integrative approach to learning was called social learning theory.”

An aspect of this is the cues we read from others. Our brains are hardwired for this from birth. We track posture, eye movement, and body language. As adults, we may learn about how communication is 7% words, 38% tone, and 55% body language;  however, even according to researcher Albert Mehrabian, whose work led to these percentages, there is no exact formula, the importance of non-verbal communication is quite clear.

To put this into context with social learning, the interaction we have with others during the learning process can play a big role in our learning. Our brain picks up on these social cues and helps us tune in to the attitude of the person we are working with or learning from. Research has found that the ability to track eye gaze and interpret it, is a crucial component of collaborative learning. Why is this important?

As the video below discusses, when children are put together in small groups they have more opportunity to track information with their eyes. Implicit and explicit learning can take place. This same approach can work with adult learning. Collaborative learning can yield great results in teams or cohorts, or with co-workers.

Take a look at the following video posted by Edutopia to learn a little more.

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“My Life Through A Lens”