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Don’t Fret, Pause

Photo by GoaShape on Unsplash

Fret
verb. gerund or present participle: fretting
1. be constantly or visibly worried or anxious. “she fretted about the cost of groceries”
synonyms: worry, be anxious, feel uneasy, be distressed, be upset, upset oneself, concern oneself; More
2. gradually wear away (something) by rubbing or gnawing. “the bay’s black waves fret the seafront”

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Fretting causes us to make assumptions. We know where that leads (ass, u, me…we got it). One thing we don’t always realize – because we’re stuck in our own heads, is that this worry, these assumptions, wear away logic.

Anxiety, worry, assumptions, can all affect our health (scientifically proven), our relationships, our ability to move forward, our ability to function.

There’s a good phrase I use to get out of my own head when I notice myself falling into the fret spiral: “Control what you can control, and cope with the rest.”

 

Pause. Find what you can control (make a list, look for facts, start small) and work on that. Breathe. Repeat. Move forward.

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Getting Over Yourself with EQ Skills

Emotional intelligence is a key factor in getting over yourself. According to Psychology Today, it is defined as “the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. It is generally said to include three skills: emotional awareness; the ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving; and the ability to manage emotions, which includes regulating your own emotions and cheering up or calming down other people.”

According to Daniel Goleman, in his New York Times Article, “How to be Emotionally Intelligent,” it involves self-awareness (awareness and self management), and an awareness of others (social awareness and relationship management). With both self-awareness and social awareness, there are competencies which we can continue to develop to enhance our awareness.

To begin, find out how emotionally intelligent you are, and read more about the competencies from Daniel Goleman, one of the leaders in the field.