Try a Perception Gap Analysis to Improve Your EQ

There is usually a gap between how we see ourselves and how others see us. In the workplace, this gap can be a source of development opportunities which can improve your emotional intelligence (EQ), if you are willing to be open to feedback, be vulnerable, and be truthful with yourself.

Articulating Your Understanding of Yourself

A good place to start is with looking inward and writing down your values, goals, strengths, and weaknesses.

Ask yourself introspective questions about your goals and values. Here are a few examples with probing questions. Probing questions can help you gain clarification and information to see the whole picture:

  • Do you want to be a leader? Why? What traits and characteristics do you feel a leader should possess? Who are leaders you look up to and why?
  • Do you want to be a more connected team member? What makes someone a better team member? How do you know when you are connecting with someone?
  • Do you want to be a better listener? What does that look like? How can you tell when someone is really listening?

To gain a deeper understanding of what matters to you, write down your answers. Make a list of your values. Then revisit them asking why at each step. Write down those answers as well. This will help you map out your journey, and identify areas for development.

You can also take a variety of personality tests which can help you find the right words to articulate what you already know about yourself but don’t quite know how to put words to. This article from Onward provides a few options, most of which are free.

Getting Others’ Perceptions of You

Opening yourself up to feedback requires vulnerability. You’re going to hear things you don’t necessarily like or that you weren’t expecting. But, if you’re open and willing to hear the feedback, you will be able to learn, grow, and develop your EQ.

Working with a coach is one way to help you take a look at how your self-perceptions may be at odds with others’ perceptions of you, and help you find a path towards developing your EQ. You can also work with a trusted colleague or manager – someone whose opinions you trust – to continue to evaluate how you are doing on a regular basis.

Another great tool is a 360 feedback assessment, a process through which you gather feedback from direct reports, peers and colleagues, and supervisors, as well as a self-evaluation. This can be a formal or informal process through which you gather information related to the areas you are seeking to improve.

Assessing the Perception Gap

Using the information you gather on yourself, and from those around you, you can begin to identify areas where you want to improve, prioritize the areas you want to focus on, and how you will go about improving them.

A great example of how this could look is provided in Daniel Goleman and Michele Navarez’s article Boost Your Emotional Intelligence with These 3 Questions:

For example, let’s say you get feedback that you are not a great listener — but you think you are. Instead of taking this assessment as an attack, or simply dismissing it, step back and consider your goals: Perhaps you’ve said that you want to better connect, understand, and communicate with impact. How could listening well help you to do those things? Seeing the feedback in this light can help you position it as an opportunity for developing toward your goals, rather than a threat.

Ask yourself, what you are going to do to achieve this goal? If we use developing your listening skills as an example, what does that look like? It could include a variety of learning modalities including:

  • Coaching
  • Online courses
  • Awareness and practice
  • Reading articles, books, etc.

Then ask, how do you know you are achieving your goal? You can reiterate some of the steps above – feedback, personal assessment, another 360 feedback assessment.

You will find that on this journey, your EQ skills will continue to grow and develop. You will gain a deeper understanding of yourself, build your awareness of others, and be able to more readily manage yourself and your relationships.


Photo by Garidy Sanders on Unsplash

Improving Collaboration

Learn About Your Colleagues and What Their Departments Really do to Eliminate Silos and Build Relationships.

I worked with a company where departments were siloed and cross-functional communication was fractured. Teams seemed to always be at odds and focused on their priorities without thinking about how their needs and requests affected other departments. This continued to lead to departments competing for resources, miscommunication, misunderstandings, lack of trust and broken down processes. It wasn’t working.

This isn’t just an annoyance to deal with at work. It’s extremely costly. As reported in Harvard Business Review in his article, How to Permanently Dissolve Cross-Departmental Rivalries, Ron Carucci cited that “One study reports that 85% of workers experience some regular form of conflict, with U.S. workers averaging 2.8 hours per week. That equates to $359 billion paid hours mired in conflict.” That is a lot of time and money wasted on conflict.

So how do you break down down silos and reduce conflict to improve the communication and processes between departments? One thing Ron Carucci, suggested is to work with teams to work through the following questions:

  • What value do we create together?
  • What capabilities do we need to deliver the value?
  • How will we resolve conflicts and make decisions while maintaining trust?
  • What do we need from each other to succeed?

As part of the Leadership Development Program I created, I added a new module which included a project entitled “What I Thought I Knew.” Each person in the program was assigned a department they didn’t work in and had to create a presentation composed of two parts:

  1. What they thought they knew about their assigned department
  2. What they learned about their assigned department

What They Thought They Knew

This was the easier part of the project. It basically entailed putting together a list of what they knew about the department. What the department did, the different roles in the department, how that department interacted with other departments, etc.

As expected, participants thought they knew a lot more about each of the departments than they truly did. Their surface knowledge did not catch all of the nuances of the interrelationships between colleagues, functions, and other departments. They did not know the value they created together because of the silos.

What They Learned

Learning about their assigned department entailed much more. Participants had to interview colleagues at all levels. They had to shadow their colleagues to learn more detailed nuances of their roles. They learned about the daily communications, emails, and requests that interrupted their colleague’s priorities, and understand how that affected their work. It was a real eye-opener.

The Presentations

The final part of the project was to present their findings to their Leadership Program cohort. They had to learn and teach each other. The results were impactful and opened up dialogues and helped to begin the breakdown of silos and misunderstandings as well.

The Outcome

Through this process, they began to understand the value they created together. They began to see the capabilities they needed to deliver the value. They opened the door to begin to resolve conflicts and make decisions while maintaining trust. And lastly, they began to learn what they needed from each other to succeed.


Photo by Hans-Peter Gauster on Unsplash

Focus on Internal Customers To Build Relationships

I was watching Marie Forleo‘s latest Marie TV episode, “Four Customer Service Secrets to Help Your Business Take Off“, and not only does she provide a great story of a recent experience when she received great customer service, it struck me that these lessons should also be applied to how we deal with our internal customers: our coworkers, employees, managers, and team members – basically everyone we work with

The four customer service secrets were:

  1. Create an A+ experience immediately.
  2. Use your customer’s language.
  3. Details matter so go the extra mile.
  4. Have your customer’s back.

As Marie stated, “all of these lessons illustrate values of respect, caring, and creativity.” No matter what we do, we’re in the business of customer service. Though most of what we learn about customer service speaks to external customers, we need to remember to focus on our internal customers too.

Consider how you can apply these lessons to your internal customer service skills:

Create an A+ experience immediately.

We hear about managers who claim to have an “open door policy”, meaning they’re always available to their employees. Unfortunately, when they don’t walk the talk, what they’re really doing is fostering an environment that doesn’t reward sharing, discussion, or feedback. As Andy Stanley so aptly put it, “leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.”

Focus on the little things to build trust and foster an environment where people feel free to approach each other, and share ideas. Listen, actively. Give time and space to share ideas without repercussion.

Use your customer’s language.

Understanding that other people don’t work like we do is a key component of Emotional Intelligence. Are you working with someone who is more analytical? Use facts and data. Are you working with someone who is more social? Use stories and be more animated. Understanding who you’re working with can help you bridge the gap in communication.

Details matter so go the extra mile.

When you’re working with employees, do you notice what is on their desk? Do they have pictures of family, or do they have a whiteboard with ideas? Do they have inspirational posters or trackers on the wall? Noticing the little things can help you understand the other person, and create connections. Asking about these things can also help build relationships.

Have your customer’s back.

We can’t throw each other under the bus. This means showing up. It means owning our mistakes and learning from them. It means celebrating achievements and giving credit where it is due. As Brené Brown wrote in Dare to Lead,

“daring leadership strategies that promote…belonging include recognizing achievement; validating contribution; developing a system that includes power with, power to, and power within; and knowing your value.”

We’ve learned that the Golden Rule is to treat others as you want to be treated. But in customer service, it isn’t about us. It’s about the customer. When it comes to the customer, the Platinum Rule is more applicable: treat others the way THEY want to be treated.

Considering this, think about the type of customer experience you want to receive, and turn that around. What kind of customer experience do you want to provide?  How do you want your coworkers, employees, managers, and team members to interact with you? It starts with your interactions with them.


Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

A “Font” of Knowledge? Can Using the Sans Forgetica Font Help You Learn?

According to RMIT University‘s site, Sans Forgetica is a font that “is scientifically designed to help you remember your study notes.”

Here’s the scoop. A team of behavioral scientists and designers at RMIT University, a public university in Melbourne, Australia, developed a new font based on the concept of “desirable difficulty“. This concept was first coined by Robert A. Bjork in 1994, basically describes tasks that require a considerable but desirable amount of effort to perform, thereby improving long-term performance. So, the theory is, according to RMIT,

Sans Forgetica is more difficult to read than most typefaces – and that’s by design. The ‘desirable difficulty’ you experience when reading information formatted in Sans Forgetica prompts your brain to engage in deeper processing.

So why use this font? Think about it this way. If you want to remember something – an important section of an article, study notes, etc. – use the Sans Forgetica font. The font prompts your brain to “engage in deeper processing”, creating a level of desirable difficulty, thus helping you remember more.

Dr. Janneke Blijlevens and Dr. Jo Peryman from RMIT’s Behavioural Business Lab informed the design of Sans Forgetica, in collaboration with the School of Design, using principles of cognitive psychology to enhance memory retention. See more in their video below.

This isn’t a font you want to use for novels, but for short sections of an article, or the study notes you want to retain. You can check out The Guardian’s article on Sans Forgetica written in Sans Forgetica to see a good example.

Give it a try! You can download the font for free, and install the Google Chrome Extension.

Do You Walk the Talk?

Famed Indian lawyer, politician, social activist and writer Mahatma Gandhi is attributed with the quote,

“Your beliefs become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values. Your values become your destiny.”


This speaks to the core of who we are as leaders. Brene Brown boils this down quite simply to, “Who we are is how we lead.” Meaning, these beliefs, thoughts, words, actions, habits, and values manifest themselves in leadership…either in good ways or bad ways.

What does this look like in action in the workplace?  Consider these two types of bosses. Which do you think is more of a leader?:

Boss #1 consistently micromanages their team. Their work is never good enough, yet the feedback the team receives is not constructive…it’s just criticism. Though they may complete projects, there is always an obstacle that causes a frenzy at the last minute. The team dynamic is overly competitive, stressful, and there is a high turnover rate. Team members horde their knowledge and mistrust each other, and their boss. They don’t take accountability for their mistakes; they blame others. There is no room for development.

Boss #2 trusts their team. They provide guidance but allow their team members the space to get the job done. If a team member misses the mark on a project, it is treated as a learning opportunity. The team dynamic is congenial, rigorous, and productive. Team members share best practices, ideas, and information easily, and own their mistakes. Everyone enjoys being a part of this team. Development is an expectation.

Obviously, Boss #2 is the leader. And, we can identify some of the core beliefs of Boss #2 through their actions:

  • Trust. They demonstrate this trust by not micromanaging; allowing the team members to explore, do, and even fail in a psychologically safe environment.
  • Accountability. They hold themselves and their team accountable.
  • Respect. They give respect, and in return are respected.
  • Communication. They communicate with their team openly and honestly, including the hard things. They don’t shy away from discussions or try to hide information.
  • Empower. They empower their team to try, fail and learn.
  • Development. Their team’s learning is not just an aside. It is an expectation. They enable their team to grow as individuals and as a cohesive unit.

Brené Brown, in her book, Dare to Lead defines a leader as:

“anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes and has the courage to develop that potential.”

As the old saying goes, “actions speak louder than words.” Or, more simply put, true leaders walk the talk.



Featured Photo by Alex Lopez on Unsplash

Uncover and Challenge Your Unconscious Biases

Patricia Devine is a psychology professor and director of the Prejudice and Intergroup Relations Lab at the University of Wisconsin, Madison was a graduate student when she conducted a series of experiments that laid out the psychological case for implicit racial bias—”the idea, broadly, is that it’s possible to act in prejudicial ways while sincerely rejecting prejudiced ideas. She demonstrated that even if people don’t believe racist stereotypes are true, those stereotypes, once absorbed, can influence people’s behavior without their awareness or intent.”

Unconscious bias (sometimes referred to as subconscious bias or implicit bias) is something our brains naturally do to categorize information and make quicker decisions. Unfortunately, because our unconscious mind uses instinct, not analysis, it is fallible and, well, biased. We all have unconscious biases. They can be based on race, gender, weight, hair color, socio-economic status, job title, and more.

Because this is happening without our knowing…the unconscious part…some of our actions or decisions may not align with the person we think we are. Think about it. Here’s an example of how this can take shape in the workplace, “Are you biased? I am.” presented by Kristen Pressner during a TEDx Talk. During her talk, Kristen discusses that although she’s been a proponent of women leaders, she discovered her unconscious bias when she was asked for compensation increased from both a male leader and a female leader and what that looked like.

So how can you uncover and challenge your own unconscious biases?

In an article for The Atlantic, “Is This How Discrimination Ends?“, author Jessica Nordell discussed Patricia Devine’s continued work on eliminating curing people’s hidden prejudices. Devine said, “you have to be aware of it, motivated to change, and have a strategy for replacing it.”

Test Yourself. You can uncover your own biases by taking one or more of the Implicit Association Tests (IAT) tests designed by three scientists – Tony Greenwald (University of Washington), Mahzarin Banaji (Harvard University), and Brian Nosek (University of Virginia). As they describe on their site,

“The Implicit Association Test (IAT) measures attitudes and beliefs that people may be unwilling or unable to report. The IAT may be especially interesting if it shows that you have an implicit attitude that you did not know about. For example, you may believe that women and men should be equally associated with science, but your automatic associations could show that you (like many others) associate men with science more than you associate women with science.”

Be aware that there are challenges to the validity of this testing because of its low “test-retest reliability”, however it does bring awareness to one’s biases, which is a good start.

Mental acrobatics. Ok, really this isn’t that mind-bending but, Kristen Pressner discussed mentally flipping the person you’re thinking about with someone else. Her example flipped the common stereotypes of a man and a woman. When she flipped the male stereotypes to the woman, and vice versa, it felt a little off. If it feels off, that’s when you check yourself. So “flip it to test it”. Give it a try…here’s a visual example from @ManWhoHasitAll on Twitter:

Now ask yourself, what seems off? Why does it seem off? How can I challenge my assumptions?

Introspection. Be honest with yourself about the stereotypes that affect you. Reflect on the decisions you have made in different situations and analyze who was involved, why you made the decisions you made, what caused you to come to those decisions? If it was a different person (man or woman, race, etc.) would I have made a different decision? Why?

Exposure. Spend time with people who are different from you. Moira Forbes, explained in a Bulletproof podcast, “being around people from different backgrounds keeps you on your toes — it challenges your belief systems and pushes you to see things from another perspective. You’ll start to appreciate different viewpoints, become more accepting, and begin to respect people more for who they are, rather than for how you think they should be or act.

Exposing ourselves to these ideas, images, and words means learning, purposefully. It also means looking inward to understand where our unconscious bias is coming from and not only actively challenging our assumptions and unconscious biases, but working to replace them as well.



Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Learning is a NEED to Have

Learning never stops. Or it shouldn’t. It also shouldn’t be a “nice to have” perk. It should be a core component of a company’s culture and strategy. Unfortunately, I see all too often that learning and development are seen as a chore, an add-on, or a forced obligation.  As Kristi Hedges so aptly noted in her HBR article, “Make Sure Everyone on Your Team Sees Learning as Part of Their Job“, employees show up for training because,

they are checking a box on their development plan, their manager told them to come, or they’ve been told that their participation will increase the chance of a promotion.

When training becomes a dreaded obligation, learning doesn’t happen. This can negatively affect employee engagement, customer satisfaction, and the bottom line. However, when learning and development are an expectation, they become ingrained not just in the employee’s day-to-day, but in the culture of the company. Learning shouldn’t happen on top of an employee’s workload, it should happen in tandem, and as part of the daily process, as well as in specific programs.

Numerous studies have proven the link between employee development and the bottom line. “According to the Association for Talent Development (ATD), companies that offer comprehensive training programs have 218% higher income per employee than companies without formalized training. But it doesn’t stop there. These companies also enjoy a 24% higher profit margin than those who spend less on training.” See Shift’s article for more info.

Going beyond the bottom line, employee training and development can improve employee engagement, employee retention, productivity, and more. For a quick overview of some compelling statistics, check out Optimum Direct’s infographic, How Critical is Training to Business?

Simply put, training and development are not a “nice to have”, they are a NEED to have.




Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash